6 Pro-Tips For Your First Sex Party

Make your first time memorable… for the right reasons.

Masked stick figure, shocked by sex party noisesYou like sex. You’re adventurous. And you’ve decided you want to combine the two and attend your first ever sex party.

To you, I say: excellent life choice!

There’s little doubt the experience will be memorable. And with a few tips from a seasoned sex-party-attendee (yours truly), you can make your memories wild and delicious instead of unpleasant and disappointing.


Just as your perfect first date might involve a pint at the local pub but your best friend is more inclined towards a Michelin-starred meal, everyone’s ideal sex party looks a little different.

At the black-tie end, you’ve got “elite” members’ parties like Killing Kittens and Heaven Circle. Quite literally, these events cater to the rich and beautiful with a steep price of admission and membership based on Hollywood-esque beauty standards.

At the comfy-jeans-and-tee end of the spectrum, you’ve got small, privately-hosted affairs. These are often at the home of a gracious host who doesn’t mind getting a bit of lube on their furniture. Whilst a potentially less intimidating forum, you may need to find your niches within a wider sex party scene to nab an invite to a private do.

If you want to discretely dabble with bi-curious urbanite ladies, try Skirt Club on for size. And if you want a friendly crowd with quirky fancy dress, Kinky Salon London is for you. There’s a flavour for everyone!


Pick a sexual partner or pick a friend. Whoever you pick, make sure it’s someone you trust implicitly. You know each other. You get each other. You can talk candidly about your sexual preferences. You can tap them on the shoulder mid-thrust and say, “I need a breather, can you keep me company?” without any issues.

Having a wing(wo)man who doubles as a play partner might make it easier to break into the action. If you two start getting busy, others might request to join in on the hot fun.

And if you don’t see any strangers who tickle your fancy, you can still capitalize on the sexy energy of the scene in front of you – carve out a corner and enjoy each other with accompanying visual and aural aids.


From depictions in films (link nsfw) to stories from your friend who once went to a swingers club, you likely have preconceived notions of what a sex party involves.

Ditch them. All of them.

Every party is different and your experiences are entirely unpredictable. You might end up having that tantalizing threesome you’ve fantasized about for years. You might exchange no more than an occasional flirty glance with fellow party-goers. You might have an awkward conversation when you run into your neighbours in the cloak room.

With expectations, you are nearly always guaranteed to be disappointed. If you go in expectation-free then all the fun you have is the cherry on top of an already exciting chocolate-sundae-of-a-first-time-experience. Mmm.

Go in with an open mind and…


Before the big night, have a check-in with yourself. Have a check-in with your partner-in-crime. Think about what you’d love to experience (drool), what you might be curious to try (hmm), and what you wouldn’t want in a million years (nooo way).

This is a great way to help you avoid the spectre of next-day regret.

More than that, it’s a way to help keep you and your wing(wo)man safe. Investing fifteen minutes before the party to discuss or write down your boundaries offers clarity and will pay dividends.


Yes, you’re nervous. Sure, a drink or two is just the ticket to loosening up and calming those butterflies. But a sure-fire way to completely compromise your boundaries is to get overly intoxicated.

At best, you end up with regrets. At worst, your memory of events is patchy or you put yourself in an unsafe situation. I don’t need to tell you that risk-taking goes up with intoxication, and a sex party is not the place to test this out.

Besides which, inhibitions aren’t the only things lowered when drunk – penises often suffer a similar fate! What’s more, dehydration affects your vaginal lubrication. Best to encourage less intoxication so you can have more fun.


Whether you had a great time or it just wasn’t your cuppa, it’s always useful to debrief afterwards. Talk to your partner-in-crime or friends about what went well, what was weird, and what was your wildest dreams come true.

Maybe once you go to a sex party, your desire will be satiated. Or maybe the experience will create a hunger you’ll enjoy feeding for years to come. Whatever the case, hopefully you’ll pass along these tips – and find some of your own – to help future sexual-adventure-seekers enjoy their first sex party.

About HeadMistress

I'm the proud creator of this site as well as its main contributor. I tend to keep it classy but that doesn't mean I shy away from digging in my heels and getting down and dirty. Go to the "About" page for more info and email me at rebecca[at]sextracurricular.com

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